My Decision
by Suni Daughter of Moro
Summary: It was a difficult decision for me. I could end it. The blade was to his throat; he was defenseless. I could end his life as he had intended to end Hiei’s. However, how could I take the life of my life-long friend? How could I destroy… Kurama?
1. Chapter 1

            It was a difficult decision for me.  I could end it.  The blade was to his throat; he was defenseless.  I could end his life as he had intended to end Hiei's.  However, how could I take the life of my life-long friend?  How could I destroy… Kurama?

My Decision

Chapter 1

            How I wished I could blame this on someone else.  How I wished I could say Kurama was not in control of his mind.  However, he was.  He was under the influence of a potion he had accidentally taken a week before, but that did not mean he had no control.  Kurama was doing all this on his own.  Kurama had taken it upon himself to attempt to end Hiei's life.

            I pressed the blade closer, though I knew I didn't have the heart to take away his life, and he gasped for breath.  I knew it was wrong, but I wished I could do it.  I wished I was strong enough to take his life.  It would set him free.  It would allow Hiei to continue living.  That's what I wanted.  However, I couldn't kill him.  He meant too much to me.

            I'd slain many during my lifetime- demons, half-breeds, humans occasionally.  The blood on my was great- it could never be washed away.  One more would not have made a difference… if this were any ordinary kill.  Kurama had meant the world to me since I was four.  I'd taken beatings for him, I'd been severely punished by my family because I was with him, I'd been cursed by others because of him, yet I did everything to protect him.  Even at the tender age of four, I was willing to be brutally tortured and executed, if need be, to protect Kurama.  As a child, I hung on his every word.  During later years, when he was human, I was always there to help him through the rough times.  He'd always been there for me as well.  We'd been though hell and back together.  We were siblings at heart and at mind.  How could I turn on him?  How could I kill someone who I had always regarded as flesh and blood?

            "Alicia," Hiei struggled to his feet.  His injuries were severe- it was a miracle he was conscious much less standing.  "Alicia don't do it."

            "Why do you want me to let him go?" I asked.  "He tried to kill you!"

            "And he'll try again if he gets the chance," Hiei panted, "but don't kid yourself.  You know as well as I do that you would suffer beyond comparison if you took his life."  Hiei stepped closer, and a moment of silence passed.  "There must be some way to turn him back to the way he was.  Think Alicia."

            "I'm afraid I have but one decision to make," I cried softly.  Kurama and Hiei both went wide-eyed when I took the blade to my own throat, pressing it softly to the skin.  "It is my responsibility to ensure that the two of you continue to live.  I have not the heart to fail in these responsibilities.  Saving Kurama's soul means destroying my own life.  I accept this fate as a goddess first class with no restrictions and die happy, knowing the two of you will live on.  Farewell."

            _Almighty, please hear and grant my request.  I am going to die now.  Please do this dying woman one final good turn and remove me from the Doublet System before I pass on.  I die to save their lives but that will be in vain if my life-tie to Hiei is not broken.  So please… please…_

            I wasn't scared of my fate.  I would accept it with open arms.  I would just die peacefully.  Hiei spoke out against my decision.  "There must be some other way!" he insisted.

            "I'm afraid death is my only option.  Fear not Hiei.  I will be by your side until the end of days if not in body, then in spirit.  I promise to return to you," I slid the blade across my throat.  "This is my decision.  Goodbye."  Then, I fell to the ground and, in a puddle of my own blood, I died.  I died happy… for the Almighty had granted my request and revoked my shared life with Hiei… allowing him to live on.

            "Well hello Alicia.  I must say, we weren't expecting you," Koenma said to me when I reached the other realm.

            "You do realize that I'm dead, don't you?  I'm not here for a chat," I sighed.

            "Dead!?  Well that's a bit of a shocker!  How?" Koenma leaned over his desk.  "Demons?"

            "Myself.  Suicide," I sat down and crossed my legs.

            "Ooh… you know that's a bad thing to do.  Why'd you do it?" he asked.

            "Kurama tried to kill Hiei because he was under the influence of a magic potion.  I had no choice but to destroy myself to save Kurama.  He's back to normal now… and Hiei is safe.  That's all that matters," I said plainly.

            "I wish," he said, straightening a pile of papers on his desk.  "Do you realize the retribution you'll receive for your actions?  This is a case where you might actually consider begging to go to my father."

            "I will accept any punishment the heavens have in store for me.  No punishment could be greater than having to kill Kurama."

            "Your resolve amazes me Alicia," Koenma admitted.

            "Why should it amaze you?  As a wolf goddess, loyalty to my own is my top priority, to which even my own life takes a backseat."

            "You always said you'd rather go through hell yourself than see the least of your comrades suffer.  I just never believed you."

            "You can believe it now, can't you?  My sacrifices are never in vain, Koenma, but they are frequently unbelievable." 

            "So you'll face he full fury of heaven and hell for what you have done, Alicia?"

            "I have no regrets.  My decision has been made and I shall never look back on it."

            "Very well.  I shall send you up to the heavens first."

            _My decision has been made and I shall never look back on it._


	2. Chapter 2

My Decision

Chapter 2

            "This is a major offense, Alicia.  Suicide shows a lack of a will to live.  Typically, suicidal goddesses are sentenced to guardian angel duty until the end of time," Peorth said.

            "I know.  That's how I got Kuroni, remember?" I replied.

            "Kuroni was a fool to pass up reincarnation in an attempt to stay with Kuronue.  Her only chance to stay with him was reincarnation.  He would have been reincarnated too."

            "Kuroni did what her heart told her to.  I follow the same system of beliefs as Kuroni- do anything and everything in your power to stay with and, more importantly _protect_, those you love."

            "It's good to a certain extent, Alicia, but…," Peorth sighed.

            "The Almighty is on my side, Peorth.  If he wasn't, Hiei would be here with me.  Hiei and I were doublets."

            "You don't know it was him," Peorth insisted.  "Nobody remembers."

            "I didn't remember, but I did have… a little reminder," I pulled the old papers from my pocket.  "Hiei, before we left the room where we had become doublets, scribbled down nearly an entire biography of himself for me.  Afterwards, I stuffed it in my waistband, so as not to get caught."

            "Amazing.  You do know I have to report this though."

            "He already knows, Peorth, for He confirmed it a few years ago," I said.

            "He confirmed it?" she blinked.

            "Hiei was deathly ill and he wouldn't accept my aid.  All of a sudden, Skuld showed up and took me away to see the council.  That's when He told me He knew.  He said it was okay and that He knew all along but He still felt it necessary to confirm it.  He insisted a goddess of my ranks couldn't be allowed to die over some pathetic illness and ordered me to take care of Hiei, whether Hiei accepted my help or not."

            "We're here," Peorth opened the door.  "Good luck to you, Alicia."

            "Thank you, my friend," I smiled before entering.  I was sure this was the last time Peorth ever thought she would see me but I was also sure that she was wrong.

            I was immediately informed by the council of the severity and criminal nature of what I had done.  I wanted to laugh.  They considered giving one's life in exchange for another's _criminal_!  How hilarious!  I kept my mouth shut, however.

            It came as quite a surprise.  As the council was condemning me for my actions, He spoke up.  "She has done nothing wrong," He said.

            "What!?!" the entire council yelled in shock.

            "It was a display of loyalty.  Alicia is a fine goddess with a heart of gold that is in the right place.  The purpose behind our existence is to guide and protect all forms of life.  With that purpose in mind, none of you can condemn her for her actions," He answered.

            "Thank you, Lord.  I only did what my heart told me," I smiled.

            "Alicia, back when your soul belonged to Suni the half-goddess, I heard quite an interesting remark you made to your comrades.  You said, 'Loyalty is an important virtue so learn it.'  Goddesses are no more difficult to corrupt than humans.  However, if all goddesses followed your example, they might turn out to be the image of perfection."

            "You are too kind, Lord.  I am not the only one to show my loyalty through life and death."

            "Oh yes, Kuroni.  I made a terrible mistake in sentencing her.  Alicia, you'll be sent back to your body tomorrow morning with a new angel.  Kuroni is going to be reincarnated, along with Kuronue.  They will once again be doublets, they will have partial memories of each other in their previous lives, and they will once again meet.  Kuroni will remain a goddess and Kuronue will remain a demon.  That is all.  Now go back down to King Enma and ask for his judgement," He said.

            "Certainly, Lord!  Right away!" I pushed open the door and left for hell.

            "Ohayo gozaimass Koenma-san," I smiled when I reached his desk.

            "Alicia!?!  I wasn't expecting you to come back," Koenma said.

            "The Lord is putting me back in my body tomorrow with a new angel," I giggled, "and He's giving Kuronue and Kuroni a second chance."

            "Now the only opposition you have is…," he gulped nervously, "my father…"

            "There's nothing wrong with that.  Enma-sama can't hurt me.  I can't be hurt by anyone right now," I said.  "I feel wonderful."

            "You'll be changing your tune in a minute," Koenma sighed.  "Straight through that door there."

            "Okay!  Goodbye, Koenma-san!" I called over my shoulder as I pushed the door open.

            ….

            "This most certainly is a criminal offense.  The Almighty overlooked the fact that suicide is a major sin in any faith.  You should be punished greatly for your actions," King Enma said.

            "You can't overrule God," I replied.

            "I know that!" he shouted.  "However, I can still punish you in anyway that does not contradict what He has ordered.  Tell me, Alicia, what kind of person was Kuronue?"

            "Kuronue?  Well let's see… Kuronue had a good heart but a bad liver.  He drank anyone and everyone under the table.  He smoked occasionally, and he swore constantly.  He was awfully nice to his friends and family but he did have a temper.  Oh and he was a horrible womanizer until he met Kuroni," I admitted all Kuronue's faults along with his good points.

            "A difficult one to control, then?" he asked.

            "Quite," I nodded, sighing.

            "I think I've decided on your punishment.  You shall be the mother of Kuronue once he is reincarnated," Enma ordered.

            "No!" I cried.

            "That is your punishment."

            "Damn it!  Now I've gotta raise a smoker, drinker and womanizer who swears!"


End file.
